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screaming infidelities. [Aug. 17th, 2004|12:29 am]
[Current Mood |numbnumb]
[Current Music |alanis morsette - ironic]

i hope your as happy as your pretending.

----------------in other news-----------------

i have a brother. actually he's a half brother. and he's 19. another thing to add to the list of fucked up things in my life.
the perks of being a teenager.

i'm going to tenessee. i leave thursday the 19th or something. and come back sunday.
my mom wants me to move there. sounds good to me. alot of trees there, so i'll have a selection of which one i want to hang out of.

i crashed natalie's car a while back in case anybody cared. i ran into a pole. that wasn't a good idea. maybe i should learn how to drive. well according to her i'm a good driver, i just make wide turns.

danllys home!

i want to try heroin (or however u spell it) so anyone who can get me some. please let me know.

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spiked hair isn't just for boys. [Jul. 28th, 2004|12:51 am]
[Current Mood |depressingly cynical]
[Current Music |strawberry gashes - jack of jill]

thats me now. the wonderful suicidal spikey hair fat bitch. kayla the gangster is kinda gone. but not completely. trust me i still love negroes and i still talk ghetto. so i haven't comepletely changed.

-----in other news

summer's been pretty good so far. gots me a NEW WONDERFUL best buddy.. *ahem* natalie. we've had ALOT of fun times. shes probably without a doubt the best frend i've had.


i also got in a car accident with nessa. sum blacke bitch hit the side of the car i was on. and it was 1130 at night. STUPID SKINNY BITCH! meh. now her car is all scratched up. meh.

but i didn't die from it, unfortunatley.
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thighs hurting = to many sexual activities. [Jul. 17th, 2004|12:32 am]
[Current Mood |cynical - suicidal]
[Current Music |slow motion - juvenille]

i'm fat. and we all know that.
please brace yourself for what
i'm about to tell you.
unless ur skinny, which you
probably are.

-----------my day.
5:30am - call from sarah.
            one word. MEH!
7:00am - go back to sleep.
1:10pm - wake up.
1:10 - 2:40pm - mEH!
2:40pm - made YUMMY brownies
3:00 - 4:00pm - got ready
4:00pm - vanessa and nicole picked me up
4:15pm - explained to a mexican that vanessa is
         a LESBIAN!
4:30pm - went to danllys.
4:35pm - biked from danlly's house to 2nd street
5:30pm - arrived at b.j's after seeing hobos and
         such lying under bridges and black
         gurls jumping over walls, and gurls
         thinking it was a ho stroll rather than
         a bike path. yoo know, where they buy
         the coochee at.
5:30 - 7:00pm - ate at b.j's then went to
                buffalo exchange (the vintage
                store) then to the music store.
                the BIKED to nicole's house.
                and i almost got ran over by a
                car. and i was happy, yet scared
7:15pm - got to nicole's house and watched the
         STUPID ashlee simpson show and degrassi
9:15pm - biked to krispy kreme with danlly and
         nessa. and tried to go through the
         drive through on our bikes. :-D then
         we left and bike to natalies house.
10:00pm - got to natalies house and chatted with
          her skinny ass and saw her wonderful
          mother and sister. then we left and
          biked to nicole's house.
10:45pm - got to nicole's FINALLY!
11:00pm - went home! yay!

so today was definetly fun but EXTREMELY tiring and i felt like i was gettin skinnier. and i still have yet to decide whether or not thats a good thing. meh. i also accused a liquor store man that the only reason he asked me if i had donuts was becuz i was FAT. then he clearly pointed out i was wearing a krispy kreme hat. MEH.

TODAY'S LESSON: if mexican gardeners are starng
                at you when your in your car.
                simply tell them ur a LESBIAN.
                its shooin to make them leave
                u alone, unless they get even
                more excited. meh.

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a test of cuts. [Jul. 12th, 2004|09:14 pm]
A lot of people cut for the blood, the feeling, the
rush... You don't. You cut because you hope
someday you will cut too deep. And that's sad,
cuz people like you, are the most wonderful
people I've ever met. Please be careful with

What Kind Of Cutter Are You? (~TrIgGeRiNg~ pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

i've come to the conclusion i don't wanna quit doing what i do. i feel like in the end all of you will leave me anyways, so whats the point of giving up on the only thing i like..cutting..i just wish i could walk around without wearing long sleeve shirts or sweatshirts so i can show the world.. look, this is what yoo've done to me. but more what i've done to myself. so yes i hate yoo all, go ahead and say were "frends" but in the end it will be me and my blade.
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another cut. another smoke. another drink. [Jul. 5th, 2004|07:46 pm]

i love this world. it allows yoo to cut, drink and smoke as much as yoo want. and its not the world that tries to stop yoo. its the fuckin people in it. eveyone is real quick to judge others for cutting, drinking, or smoking. but until yoo try it or are placed in there position and yoo feel the pain they feel. then SHUT THE FUCK UP! let us do our own thing. we don't fuckin control your life and the shit yoo do, so leave us the fuck alone.

For you I take this shining blade and lay it down upon my skin
Slide it across. Feel it slowly sink in. Bleeding out all the wrongs. Purging all the hurt I've caused. Leaving just the rotten core. Open the trashcan, and I shall trouble you no more.
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my choice. [Jun. 27th, 2004|02:08 am]

^lung cancer

Epidemiology of Lung Cancer

190,000 new cases in 2000
149,000 patients will die of lung cancer
50 deaths per 100,000 per year
85% of lung cancer patients are from smoking


i've made my deicision and it doesn't involve me gettin sick with lung cancer. so ferget the smokin. i luv yoo guys. i hope yoo can fergive me. i know i haven't made the smartest decisions. but i was trying to hurt myself not yoo guys. i now realize yoo were just trying to help me. but i guess i didn't want to be helped. i had gotten away with ruining my life for the past 2 1/2 years that i never thought yoo guys would say anything about it. i never wanted to be like this. but we can't control what happens. i guess all we can do is move on. and pray that things will get better. i'm sorry.
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a new beginning. [Jun. 23rd, 2004|03:36 am]
basically i'm tired of xanga.
too many people have one.
so i decided to switch to live journal.
cuz i wanna be cool like da skinny people.
so i welcome myself to this bullshit.
i take that back, that wasn't very "emo" of me
but in a way it was sarcastic especially with the place of the period instead of an exclamation point.
i've become very found of the depressing
monotonous tone.
woo. hoo.
well i need a smoke.
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